It's been a long day, but this is the pick-me-up you've been looking for. Go ahead and treat yourself, it's got something for everybody.
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There's a new crop of apps hitting the App Store since Apple banned some 5,000 masturbatory theater photo apps at the end of February. Cats' Tongues ($.99), is only the first in a group of shameless pet-ploitation apps from Digital Adventure, overtly pimping cute overload to throngs of over-indulgent cat lovers.
"Kittens have such tiny tongues, like little pink flowers." That description is certain to arouse the attention of feline fetishists everywhere who should be thrilled to know that there's finally an app for that.
But Cat' Tongues represents just the tip. Two more ultra-cute apps in
this series push the envelope of natural love for cats.
Cats' Backs ($.99) appeals to the "kittie's got back" crowd, made instantly obvious by provocative entry found on a text page contained inside the app.
"Please don't turn around, stay right there. It's just wonderful that way."
Wow! Not exactly the typical thought that comes to mind when viewing cats from the rear. Two more apps round out our list of pet-ploitation favorites. The pussy footing Cats' Paws ($.99), describes kitten feet like they're a delicious carnival treat.
"Their front legs are like fluffy, cotton candy." Seriously? What am I missing?
And finally, there's Sleeping Cats ($.99), which delivers a voyeuristic thrill ride of kitty cuteness while redefining full frontal snoozing. Each one of these apps promise committed feline fanatics instant access to over 50 or more adorable iPhone photos that can be accessed on demand.
You can be sure that there's a fresh batch of sexy photo apps in the App Store, although this time around they're covered in fur with their little tongues hanging out.
She must be an East Coast pup. Here on the Pacific side, we say dinner. :)
- Louis Gray
California-based animal rescue organization SaveABunny is taking care of this megadorable dwarf bunny Niblet because he needed surgery to correct his misaligned teeth. He can eat just fine as long as he's not being fed big chunks of food. How can you resist that lil' fuzzy smiling mouth? You cannot. Donate money or adopt him to help. [via Cute Overload]
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Legendary editor Ellen Datlow has whipped up something evil and fun for SF/fantasy fans who are drawn to cats. Her new anthology, Tails of Wonder And Imagination, is devoted entirely to felines, and they aren't exactly your cutesy wufflemuffins.
Out this month from Night Shade Books, Datlow's anthology is simply packed with stories, and includes giants of the genre like Stephen King, Kelly Link, Carol Emschwiller, and George R. R. Martin. She's also defined "cat" rather broadly, so you've got everything from sabre toothed tigers resurrected by mad scientists, to manticores, tigers, and house cats. And there is certainly enough here to delight anyone who has been mesmerized by a furry pal who can suddenly turn into a screaming ball of WTF.
However, I should issue a warning to cat lovers. This book is not a sweaters-and-tea vision of our little animal friends. In fact, if you are the kind of person (like me) who reads Cute Overload and has been known to snorgle on teh kittehs in your house - this book is going to freak you the fuck out. In these stories you'll find cats being burned alive, skinned, tortured by evil scientists, strangled by psychos, and murdered in at least a dozen horrific ways. While I'm glad Datlow went the dark route instead of the wufflemuffin road, some of these stories are jarring and unpleasant to read.
A case in point is "Catch," by Ray Vukcevich, where two scientists work out their marriage problems while torturing cats to death in the lab. I'm not one to shy away from dark horror, but the torture here seemed egregiously horrific. That said, Kelly Link's haunting "Catskin" is also full of cat torture; but the intensity of her story depends on those scenes, which are completely integral to this tale of a young man raised by his witch-mother's spirit in the body of a vengeful cat.
There are, of course, many tales here that explore the strange, mystical bonds that form between humans and animals. Charles de Lint's story "Dark Eyes, Faith and Devotion" is a sad, evocative tale of an ex-con who comes to the aid of a woman - or is she a cat? - under the spell of a modern-day wizard. And Carol Emschwiller's story "A Safe Place To Be," with its spare, intense tale of a woman and her cat trying to flee the city from a disaster they know is coming, reminds us that animals are sometimes the best humans.
Rarely printed stories appear here, too, like Peter S. Beagle's hilarious "Gordon, the Self-Made Cat," about a mouse who goes to cat school. And there's also Susanna Clarke's never-before-in-print story "The Dweller In High Places," which previously aired as a radio story on BBC.
Cats turn out to be the secret protectors of humans in Neil Gaiman's semi-autobiographical, sweet-but-gory "The Price," where it turns out that the only thing standing between the Devil and Gaiman's family is a fierce black cat. And in George R. R. Martin's amusing "Guardians," psychic cats help a wandering environmental engineer to stop sea monsters from destroying the human outposts on a colony planet. Of course psychic cats abound in this book, whether because they're secretly megapowerful sex goddesses (Sharyn McCrumb's "Nine Lives To Live") or because they're just ordinary housecats who need a friend on the day they're killed at the pound (the ultratragic "Returns" by Jack Ketchum).
While filled with a lot of great stories from top writers, this collection suffers from extreme unevenness - there's a just plain bad Joyce Carol Oates story called "The White Cat," for example, which fails embarrassingly to emulate Poe's style. And sometimes the exoticization gets out of control in several stories that try to deal with Native or Asian myths about cats. But for every dud, there's an amazing story that rips your heart (or intestines) out.
Ultimately Datlow has succeeded in doing something that seems impossible, which is that she's put together an anthology about cats that's not for cat lovers. It's for people who love science fiction and fantasy, and who will be intrigued by the myriad ways that great writers try to tackle the often-evoked figure of the feline.
Tails of Wonder and Imagination via Night Shade Books
