Jessica Alba appears in the 2009 calendar for the alcoholic beverage Campari; several friends of mine have pointed out that these Alba photos are pretty overtly sexual, particularly with the way she handles the vaguely penis-shaped bottle, but I've been staring at these pics for hours and hours now and honestly, I don't see it. Let's take a look at some of the photos in question and see if we can uncover some of this so-called sexual symbolism: Pic #1 Here's Jessica holding the bottle up to her red lips. Note that she's holding the tip of the bottle very...
Torchwood star John Barrowman exposed himself live on the BBC this weekend, earning all of one complaint from a concerned viewer, and sparking off Google searches all across the world from everyone who missed it live. Barrowman shared his meat and two veg with the world via webcam during an apparance on BBC Radio 1's Switch show - but, to be fair, he was pushed into it by host Nick Grimshaw, who tempted fate (and Barrowman) by saying, You're famous, we're told, for getting your willy out in interviews. Is this going to happen today? Barrowman responded, Alright. I'll get...
Let me tell you a little bit about Colby. Ever since I was ten, Colby has been a part of me, like a small, sentient circuit board lodged in my brain. He wasn't always like this. When I first met him, he was autonomous: a Moloch Machine, a literal deus ex. Beneath the brim of his red baseball cap, unblinking eyes bulbously stared, plunged, hypnotized. In a contractionless castrati monotone, he sing-songed his teachings, and over many weeks and months, I memorized them until some remnant of his programming seeped into my own. And who was Colby? A giant...
Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long: A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday. Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him...
Flickr’d How dumb are men, generally? A woman is set to divorce her husband after she discovered a photo of his genitals in his iPhone’s sent e-mails folder. The woman suspected that the guy was sending photos of himself to other women, but the guy had an excuse: it’s just a glitch, honey. Yeah, the iPhone has this weird habit of going into photo mode, unzipping your pants and sending proof of your awesomeness to strange women. The woman didn’t believe this “glitch” excuse and asked on the Apple discussion boards for advice. “I think your marriage has a...
In a story that reminds me of every wedding I've ever gone to where they set out disposable cameras so you can take pictures, some dude took a snapshot of his junk with his iPhone. And, after emailing it to his mistress, his girlfriend found it. Oh snap! So what did the no-good cheating bastard do? Simple, he blamed it on Apple. The Fanboy's excuse was that he had taken the picture but never sent it to anyone. In fact he was so worried about his Iphone taking the picture that he said had paid a visit to the...
Reader, I am your father. And you can tell your mother I'm not paying her shit, she's been bleeding me dry for long enough. But I'll still send you a gift card for Christmas, you know, because I love you. And also, if you grow up to play a professional sport, I want you to remember your dear old dad. Anyway, Best Buy and Target are taking a different approach to gift cards this year. By making them both gift card AND present. That's right, the Best Buy card doubles as a speaker, complete with mini-headphone jack, and the...
Honda's taking another stab at the growing assisted walking market (that's a market!?), this time with what appears to be a robot that hides between your legs and pokes you in the genitals. The device will supporting a portion of user's body weight whether they're crouching, walking or climbing stairs and is meant to help both those physically weakened with age or injury as well as workers who would need to reduce the stress on their bodies from heavy work or unusual positions. The device will support users within two inches of its preset 5-foot, 7-inch user height. The...
Reverend Elvis Elano, a priest formerly posted at Our Lady of the Snows in the Queens, is having a very trying day. After his secret seven-month affair with parishioner Judith Rodrigues-Lytwyn ended earlier this month, his ex has gone public with a lawsuit in Brooklyn Supreme Court, and The Smoking Gun has obtained a cachet of embarrassing photos, emails and documents, like the receipt for his online Viagra purchase. Rodrigues-Lytwyn, age 50, says in a court statement that, "I was looking for some spiritual guidance, and finding some peace from a religious perspective." Instead, she contends that Reverend Elano abused...
Hoo boy, it's a new Watchmen trailer! The most anticipated-by-nerds movie of 2009 is looking pretty damned good, and this trailer, shown at the 2008 Scream Awards on Spike TV, offers up some nice new footage of Dr. Manhattan blowing all sorts of stuff up. There's also fire and darkness and lots of upset looking people. All in all, I like it. [io9]...
Photograph by plutohead on Flickr From the Gothamist Newsmap: Shots fired at the police at Burke Ave & White Plains Rd in the Bronx, a sexual assault on 91st St in Queens, and a bank robbery at E 34 St & 2nd Ave in Manhattan. A woman and the young cousin she was babysitting were the victims of a broad daylight home invasion in Bay Ridge yesterday. Hope he got the liability insurance: A man parked his rental car in Jersey City, only for a piece of metal to fall from the sky and crush the passenger side. The...
It's sad to realize that most men are wandering through life with the mistaken belief that normal cleaning products are good enough for their genitals. Not so, according to Man Junk, a line of organic shampoos for the discriminating scrotum. According to the Man Junk Web site, "Any product that's made to clean your neck, back, buttocks or legs isn't going to provide the specific levels of odor fighting and skin treatment that Man Junk does." Wait, I'm supposed to have back, buttock and leg shampoos, too? Do I still need soap? By the way, if you've got a...
A pediatrician was arraigned Friday after being charged with sexually abusing a 13-year-old male patient of his. Dr. Jamie Luis Cortes has been accused of kissing and touching the genitals of the child, a patient at a Washington Heights clinic whom he is suspected of having sexual contact with since the boy was ten. The DA's office says that Cortes has given the boy money and a cellphone and sent him inappropriate text messages and explicit photographs. An employee of Cortes's alerted police that she witnessed abuse after the child's mother spoke with the employee about her concern over the...
Heterosexual men who love their cats get the NY Times Styles section treatment, as writer Ellin finds more dudes "are posting photographs and videos of their little buddies on YouTube and on Web sites like menandcats.com, and Twittering about them to anyone who will listen." One cat owner, Adam Fulrath, says," My cat takes priority over the new relationship. Realistically, unless there’s something absolutely amazing about her, he wins.” Elizabeth Daza "who dated a cat-owning man for eight years," said, "Straight men with cats seem to be really secure and stable. They don’t need to be running around the park...
Modified from photo by Cyril Ruoso/Minden PIctures Chimpanzees don’t forget a face - or for that matter, a behind as well. A new study by Frans de Waal of Emory University and colleagues showed that chimps have butt-recognition ability: In a recent experiment, captive primates were able to identify photos of their acquaintances’ rears and match them with the right faces. The ability suggests that the animals possess mental "whole body" representations of other chimps they know. Each participating chimp was flashed a picture of another’s bum, with visible genitals, then shown the face of the derriere’s owner and another...
